and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
