You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
