FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
