i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
