my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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