The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
