so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
