I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize