yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
