Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Is Oprah even human
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
