someone get that fucking seahorse.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
