I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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