I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
