conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hippo gnu deer
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
