my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
