i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
