My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
