Porn is love you can see.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I want her autograph on my taint
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
