how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
