I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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