He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
