I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize