He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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