so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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