That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
We need to get me chipped asap
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
