i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
