You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i will never coherently bang her
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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