I got chris browned last night
i permit you to call me
If that was your dad, he is hot
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize