Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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