things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
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