I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
