I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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