you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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