Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize