There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well you can't waste a boner
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
