Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
