and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
