just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
