i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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