is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
