I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
