Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think im going to throw up on grandma
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
