I just saw a hot homeless man
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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