I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize