It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I would fuck him just for his dog
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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