im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
