There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
