No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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