I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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