I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
