everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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