There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
