So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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