So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
honey bunches of taint.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want her autograph on my taint
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize