what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
