Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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