It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
