I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
