i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my shit smells like andre
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize