You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
