and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
