i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
