with your own penis?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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