Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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