What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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