First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Randomize
