Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
