There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Four minutes until I can fart!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
