I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
