we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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